A lot of the problem I believe you’re facing is actually that socializing for everyone is like a muscle. You not speaking is probably leading to atrophy of that muscle, metaphorically. It’s kinda what would happen to anyone if they didn’t socialize often. But for us people who stutter, our stuttering tends to become stronger when our social muscle becomes weaker, because it begins to constrict us. Then the more words you don’t express, the more clogged we become. The more potential you don’t exert, the more energy begins to clog your entire body. You eventually end up slightly disassociated from yourself, and out of harmony with your personality, etc. You have to start purposely putting yourself into speaking situations. And lucky for you, you desire it, so the smallest positive interactions will make you feel amazing. The pressure will push you to grow, and you will become loser over time. If you’re that afraid that everybody will reject you, then go into this year not to make friends, but to express yourself just for your own accomplishment. Though I would say you can make friends. Many people like people that have struggles, because we all do. But whatever you do, just keep moving forward. Whether it’s picking up a book on psychology and learning to understand the human mind. Or getting that fresh haircut you always wanted. Or those cool shoes. Or starting a YouTube channel, do it. Slow down, but never quit. Quitting is just backwards thinking, and backwards thinking just pushes your expression back into yourself, which causes more stuttering. As a Christian I would say God has really helped me on my journey of stuttering so far. So give Him a shot if you haven’t yet. So I would really recommend the Dave McGuire course. They have an inexpensive self help book on Amazon called “Beyond Stammering: The Mcguire Program for getting good at the Sport of Speaking.” You can have the book downloaded onto your phone in minutes if you get the Amazon Kindle app. The book will go through psychological reasons for stuttering, give you a breathing technique, and inspire you to get out and practice speaking. The program will be fear inducing but use the people closest to you for support. Keep practicing the techniques and follow what the book says. Then I recommend reading “Redefining Stuttering” by John Harrison, someone who stuttered for many years and was part of the National Stuttering Association for many years. You can find a free link to the book at the website below. Also, “Stuttering Mind” on YouTube is very empowering. As well as the channel “Stuttering with Olga.” At a certain point the journey begins to be fun and interesting, because you begin to see the interconnected-ness of stuttering and everything that’s going on in you, and around you. Then you will see a perspective on life others don’t have. I and one of my friends are both doing things the average person doesn’t do. We’ve started our own businesses, we’ve approached women on the streets. I’m hoping to join a public speaking club when I feel the time is right. Baby steps man, baby steps. No matter how small each step you take is, you’re further along than the step before👍.