You just explained exactly how my situation was..the constant anticipation easily magnified the anxiety.My brain was all over the place tryna predict conversations/reactions/outcomes in relation to me having a stutter,so much my face would twitch, hands shaking,butt cheeks vibrating and all..it was horrible!! Back then my fix was alcohol(for a while),but with time i needed higher doses just to achieve the same level of freedom..Eventually i would crash and needed a new fix,until i stopped running from myself.I just woke up one morning and literally said "F all this shit",since then i begun practicing self love,acceptance n mindfulness. My life changed forever,i got so elevated in every discipline of my life it was so unreal.. Well I've gone back to the same formula and have achieved some calm(alongside diarrhea from vit B1) but im anxious on a subconscious lvl cos i have a bunch of presentations to make to a bunch of investors across several countries in 2wks!!..everytime i think about it stresses me tf out i can barely breathe.. "Dear lord if this is your way of asking if i deserve the blessings you are about to give me then im gonna be defiant. Its not gonna break me"