Content
Depression / Suicidal Thoughts Bit of an intro first. I'm British, 25 years old and I've been stuttering pretty badly since I was 15. I've reached a stage where I mask it quite well with word substitutions and just not talking where I don't need to but it's definitely still there and part of my day to day life. I have a job which I'm really happy with but I've never had a girlfriend and I'm not very sociable which I feel is basically down to my stutter. I've been having lots of phases of suicidal thoughts and I know it's definitely because of my stutter. I hate meeting people and talking to anyone and I feel like I enjoy nothing in life anymore. My stutter is always just in my head and I'm thinking about it all the time. Now I'm not looking for words of encouragement or how to approach life and be positive because trust me, I've tried it and I've been reading this subreddit for a while. (So please don't try to make me feel better in the comments). I still go back into feeling terrible with suicidal thoughts every time and I'm now resigned to the fact that I'll feel like this for the rest of my life. I know the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because of how my friends and family would feel. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I have a roof over my head, I have food to eat and I'm well off but happiness is relative. I guess what I'm trying to say with this post is that it's just really shitty how a stutter is causing me and others so much pain in this world.