My life is good and I don't hate myself at all. I love myself. I build a life for myself even with a severe stutter which is awesome but my life would be 100 times better if people like you didn't exist. I hope you can use me as an example and escape your psychosis. You can embrace your disability and be ok. You are disabled and that is okay. Its never too late to change. I wish you peace and I hope you get some help and embrace yourself.