They are trying, and often succeeding, in humiliating us. Humiliation is a deep scar. There is a book called Status that discusses this, how humans constantly strive for status and that humiliation is one of the worst things you can do to a person in that context. If you are good a zingers let one fly, but if not all you can use is honesty and maybe walk away. You can say it’s really about them, and it is (they are using a cruse instrument to establish status), but does that really make you feel better?