Thank you for your response. But I'm not cut out for this life and will be checking out rather soon if everything goes according to plan. I just wanted to rant and not ask for help. I've read countless posts of "put yourself out there", "give people a chance". What if I do not want to? What if I do not see life worth living at all? I have other medical issues. ADHD and Type 1 diabetes, both diagnosed last year. Not the worst disorders out there but it does affect me greatly. If the impossible happened and I achieved the feat of not being embarrassed every time I spoke then what? I die eventually and have nothing to show for it. May as well avoid the pain of life and end it now. Absolutely nothing motivates me in life. The amount of motivational speakers I've listened to and articles I've read have done zero for me..I still always feel angry and irritable. I'm checking out.