How to be happy with a stutter ? LONG READ
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How to be happy with a stutter ? LONG READ Right now , i am 17 and my stammer(blocks) started at age 13. I remember hitting my head and i broke my tooth and im stuttering ever since . Its been 4 years now. From ages 13-15 it didnt effect me that much emotionally and i blocked only on few words. From 16-17 is where it all started. I was depressed to the point that i didn’t find motivation to study because whats the point of really understanding something which you wont be able to communicate in class. I am asked question that im sure of but due to my blocking stutter and silent pauses between words , teachers just think that im just dumb or something whereas my mind is full OF things that i know would be appreciated by teachers but only if i could say them. I know having stutter at this age means youll have to deal with it your whole life and imagining that really kills and depresses the shit out of me. I mean next year, i m going to medical college, but would it be possible for me to become a successful doctor with a blocking stutter(especially with all those complicated terms and diseases name which i am sure wont be able to say them) Regarding difficulty of subject which most of the students worry about before going to medical college, its the opposite for me, i worry about all those interactions with people cuz being a doctor is such a talkative job for fluent and extroverted people. I sometimes even wonder if im even physically capable of being a doctor. Doctor are at jobs the whole time and that is tremendously stressful. STRESS another thing that would aggravate my stutter. Right now i am full of doubts, i fear i wont be living a life like an average adult with this stutter. Recently , i am starting to have suicidal thoughts but im a muslim. In islam , punishment for suicide is very strict in the hereafter. But i want my life to end somehow like a car accident or something soon cuz living with a stammer is so HARD!! I ve been to speech therapy , they ask me to practice slow reading alone with regulated breathing but i dont stutter when alone which also is incredibly frustrating. Speech therapy was expensive and not that beneficial cuz in real life , i blocked no matter what? I wish my stutter at least was repetition which is easier to deal with than blocks. During block , my whole tenses up and its really hard to relax in that situation.