Hi there, I really feel for you. I've suffered with a speech impairment for many years now. Started around the age of 4/5 I think juat after my younger brother was born. A short time before that I had fallen out of my bunk bed after rolling over in my sleep.. Very vivid dream of 2 shadow beings pulling my duvet cover by the doorway. So I rolled with it - I probably had some form or concussion.. but no follow up.. I was also a very adventurous child and often tripped and hit my head going up and down the stone staircase to the garden. (So I'm thinking there could be a link there to something I may have been susceptible to - the head trauma possibly activating it) Soon after the bunk bed concussion, I remember waking into the room where my mother was nursing my baby brother. I was really upset that I couldn't say "is Auntie Heather coming to visit us for lunch today?" I remember it soo clearly, I was so frustrated. My mum was concerned but i don't remember anything else happening in relation to therapy or any such thing. It was only until I was around 7/8 when I remember being put in a char in department of a hospital (my mother was a nurse) and asked to stay relaxed (hands dropped down by my sides to and say things on the outbreath in a very unnatural way.. It did nothing... there were other speech therapy attempts once or twice as I got to my early teens.. I was always asking my dad what do I do when I grow up, how can functioned as an adult like this? He showed me some stuttering fruit and veg seller in the market saying look - he's doing OK... Or to learn to play the guitar so you can busk.. Really uninspiring stuff that really got me down. I'm sure it wasnt his intention, he just didn't have to the tools to handle my needs. Later on when I faced challenges in my 20s and 30s etc it was always oh but this guy I met has a severe stammer and he just gets on with it - shutting down all empathy. Of course we don't know the stats with stutterers lives as well as the type of support they ate getting, so we simply compare people in that way. So as i entered mid to late teens I had no other choice but to try to disguise my stutter through word replacement, accents or mumble, which all helped to get me through. Amy admission to a stammer was off the books as it meant social suic**e. My stuttering wasn't terrible but if I was feeling slightly off I would stumble on various words, numbers, names and places... absolute nightmare. So I ended up having to tell White lies to get around that or divert attention to something else. The whole thing was absolutely exhausting. I had the fortune of reasonable looks, they helped with the ladies that gave me some comfort, but obviously that's all kinda meaningless and without substance. I'm a confident person but the look of discomfort or shock In people's faces when I stumble and stutter is like a knife to the heart even at my age now of 47... it stil stings and takes away any momentum of influence, which makes the natural interactive competition of ideas very difficult to take part in.. so often one becomes a frustrated observer... It's still a point of ridicule in society and people tend to think you're a little dumb / not confident or maybe you're lying because only liars get nervous and stutter. I've often wondered what this is all about.. suffering- maybe it has a purpose.. The indignity of not being able to communicate properly is pretty big.. and there simply isn't enough support out there.. or real solid solutions. On occasions I can really flow without fault but it's rare. I think the biggest issue is when you have the inevitable life challenges the push you over.. it's a lot harder to get up and recover.. all those phone calsl and meeting different people etc etc etc I've had a few of those over the years.. it's a mission. My family (parents and siblings) try to help in small ways and they are good people but not particularly emotionally intelligent to fully appreciate or maybe they are simply feeling powerless... I lost my wife and daughter in a tragic accident back in 2012 . And before that my best friend from cancer in 2005 from aged 27. He leaned on me a lot for those 3 months. So that created more challenges emotionally which again was quadrupled by debilitating speech challenges.. I'm obviously sharing the difficulties here.. and despite it being difficult it has also pushed me to search for answers In many different areas and to be very innovative and adaptable. You could say I'm a truth seeker and information sifter! I can also recognise another stutterer a mile off - its just a certain way of talking, pauses and gestures followed by word Replacement.. Quite a few people seem to have it in varying degrees. Weirdly enough us stutterlers don't really like acknowledging this with each other.. it's kind of an unwritten rule, especially if they're able to mask it quite well. There's loads of actors and actresses and singers and businessmen who also have this condition, many find the stage a place where they can act around their stammer using different techniques. But in day to day convo you can see them struggle. As you say the whole stuttering aid/ research sector is very haphazard without much in terms of solid solutions to offer. Most are inadequate and defeat the purpose of not standing out as an oddball. We all want to communicate without discrimination first and foremost as its integral to human society. I did however come across one very interesting study which I haven't fully investigated yet that seems to be be achieving up to 90% improvements. So watch this space.. Not sure how helpful that was to you, if anything it's somewhat comforting to hear we're not the only ones suffering in silence..We all desperately want to connect and get on on life. I could go on into other related areas, but that's all for now🙏