I agree, fuck this! Stuttering fucking sucks. I hate stuttering -- it's ruined first impressions, chances to get laid, job opportunities, and general socializing. We are handicapped/challenged, whatever word you want to use. That being said. It sounds like you're having a hard time and I recommend you talk with a professional. Some sort of mental health therapist. Let them know you have a stutter. If your therapist isn't sympathetic, get a new one. Keep pushing to find someone who can help you. Stuttering can ruin your mental health so take care of yourself and get some treatment.