Dude I feel you on so many levels, but please don't give up. The worst part about this is that we usually don't have anyone around us with the same problem we can relate to (at least it was like this for me), so we have to carry the burden all by ouselves. I just joined this subreddit so it's kinda refreshing for me to see that there's also people who suffer a lot from this. Please if you ever need to talk to don't be afraid to send me a DM or something. I'm sure there are also other people in this subreddit/Discord who will happily give you a hand whenever you feel hopeless.