I'm so tired and just want to rest peacefully

I'm so tired and just want to rest peacefully 19M, have severe speech blocks, talked very less in school and avoivded all social gatherings, had no friends, in college, never gave a presentation, dont have any friends, try to avoid eye contact and just rush to home after the classes, there are sudden bursts of energy somedays where i want to change my life, had one such the previous week, bought some nice clothes, and exercised well, but it all came crashing down in today. I went to college and had some conversation with the class teacher and blocked so hard, the class was silent so it was awkard like everytime, I go back to that one day in school when it was my turn to read one page of the novel we were reading whenever I have such an experience. But the major depressing point was when most of the students were walking towards the exit in groups and talking to each other, and i couldnt pass them as they were blocking the way, so had to walk slowly behind, didnt like it. I too want to make friends, you have to add something to the conversation in the group in order to remain the part of the group, I have so many jokes as per the situation but I refrain myself as I know how bad it would be. I dress nicely for the girls to notice me but they all seem to see me as a weird loner and they never seem happy when i make eye contact with them. Its like i already know the recipe to cook the dish, but I cant cook as my hands were cut! Coming home, i just lay down and cry, Im so tired and just want to rest peacefully.