hey buddy, i totally understand where you are coming from. Stuttering for me was the worst when I was a teen because one gets so intimidated by shit all the time, reading in class, the high school hustle and bustle, girls, all that shit. I really believe in most cases that stuttering is related to confidence level and anxiety, because when I was in a much more relaxed environment like college, my stutter went wayyyy down. You build that special circle of friends and you just stop caring. I would advise some speech therapy for sure. It's a safe place and you will feel so good when you leave your first session. It's very freeing and healthy because you know you are taking the right steps to progress and diagnose stuttering. Also, as a way to maintain and reinforce what you are learning in speech therapy, I would highyl recommend taking some form of yoga or guided meditation. And yoga studios are awesome because you just walk in with your mat and lay down, and seriously it is the most relaxing experience I've ever had and after a couple times of attending, you will discover the mental pathways to calming yourself like correct deep breathing, looking at the big picture, etc. I've been depressed as hell. To the point where I felt utterly useless and pathetic as a human being, which is why it is so important to tap into the serene part of yourself that you aren't used to accessing because your entire life you've been dealing with traumatic public instances and embarrassing scenario over and over. It's maddening. But you are not worthless. Far from it. You are a smart, and capable human being who hasn't had the luxury of knowing what calm and confidence is because of stuttering. You, like me have devoted SO much time and energy into caring about how other people think and perceive of you and it's just a vicious cycle where you beat yourself up. When you find peace of mind, you will free up that time and energy and put it into life-affirming thoughts and actions. You must discover peace again. And once you do, you ill not only find that you can attain fluency but also a peaceful state of mind and that is more important in the long run. Good luck dude.