Content
rant. I'm 25 years old and I have little to no social skills because it never developed due to me being quiet my whole life. I have one friend that I speak to online somewhat frequently and two others I don't see too often. Outside of that tiny circle (if you can call it that) I haven't made a single friend in 7 years. People have made attempts to talk to me all through my life but it never got anywhere. I would always answer in short sentences so the conversations would always be one sided. They would eventually get bored and leave, which has happened countless times. ------------------------------------------------- When it comes to relationships, as of right now it's an impossibility. The amount of effort I would have to put into that goes far beyond the typical fluent speaker. I don't know if I can handle the unbearable anxiety and shame of it all. A relationship is something I will never experience, and I'll have to come to terms with that. I am very ashamed of my stutter, I try to hide it no matter what by avoiding everything that I can that involves speaking. Besides the shame aspect of it, I find talking in itself very tiring. I get exhausted very quickly because of the effort I put into talking. Socializing isn’t enjoyable at all so I have given that up too. ----------------------------------------------------------- I would like to make friends but I do not have the means to do so. I’m not going to put myself out there and experience things, because I’m mentally feeble. I saw a psychiatrist a few weeks ago and he signed me up for social anxiety therapy which starts Sept. 22nd. I agreed because hopefully it will make me less anxious to find a job. My goal in life is to find a job so I don’t starve and that’s it. Friends and Relationships are not possible. I’ve blacklisted both of them. Yes, I am defeated and will remain that way. Hopefully I can achieve some success in terms of a career. I’m very much looking forward to death. No more stuttering and no more misery. Hopefully my rant was somewhat coherent. /end rant