Hey! Hang in there .. I have felt much of what you wrote on this post. I'm 30 now, and especially over the past few years, I've tried to slowly change my views about stuttering. I've done some speech therapy and fluency shaping stuff, and it can work sometimes but I still stutter, you know? That feels like the one incontrovertible fact. But! You can change your attitude about your stuttering. So, for my work and social situations, my gut response is "oh crap, I'm going to stutter, be a fool, etc.". These are essentially vestiges of being made fun of during my childhood and what not. I keep thinking in these situations -- this isn't the end of the world, I have so many other good qualities, I'm searching for the good in other people, everyone has some crap they have to deal with. I will honestly think "will I die from stuttering? no!" and then I try to do my best with fluency, but I really am not trying to beat myself up anymore. It's about exposing myself, communicating well, not communicating fluently. I almost think these thoughts like mantras and focus on calm, even breathing as I walk to do these events. When I stutter, I usually smile and laugh, I keep a cheery disposition to the best of my abilities. My stutter gives people a moment to be a nice and good person. My stutter is an incredible friend filter -- you can tell in an instant if the person is a jerk or not. My stutter has allowed me to meet all these awesome stutterers all over the world. It has forced me to be myself, and I've learned to be patient and humble through it. I hope that helps, that's all I got, hah! Feel free to PM or respond to my writing if you want to chat more about all of this!