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Don’t know what to do I guess most of my life I’ve had a stutter and it’s slowly gotten worse of the years to the point where I can’t even record a YouTube video and takes me an hour to pronounce a single line. For a while it’s been my dream to be a YouTuber and actually do with something with my life. I’m trying to make commentary videos but I can’t even fucking record the shit without having 30 minute long blocks. My stutter usually isn’t that strong but when it comes to recording in front of a mic I just fail at it. So far I’ve made a couple shitty videos that took me weeks to make since it takes me tons of hours to record as well as editing and snipping 10 hour long footage of me just fucking stuttering as I listen on repeat to myself just having breakdowns. I just despise recording now and I’ve lost all confidence that I can succeed in it. But I’ve tried anyway. They say it’s all about hard work. It’s all about determination and not giving up and letting your stutter beat you. But it’s all bullshit. As On top of this, I live in a tiny house so if I record in my room or basically anywhere, my family and parents can hear me and basically everything I say. And it doesn’t help that the shit I make is a bit edgy and ‘’inappropriate’’ so realistically I can’t let any of them hear me or I’m fucked. And now with the whole lockdown corona thing my family is always home every day so I’m never alone to record myself failing at reading out the scripts. I’ve tried recording videos outside but I’m self conscious that random people in my neighbourhood will hear me, especially since there’s always at least a couple people walking near me. And it doesn’t help that I literally stay in one spot on a street beside a house stuttering for an hour as everyone looks at and hears me. The point I’m making is that, I just don’t know what to do. The drive inside me will only do so much. Determination isn’t going to help me. And as a result I’ve lost of all of my determination and now resent recording and making videos. Idc that I have to record for hours upon hours trying to succeed, it’s just the fact that it’s impossible to do so as I have literally no where to record. I just don’t have the chance to put in hard work and overcome the stutter in the first place. I’m sorry if this post is a bit dumb and self centred, as there’s usually many important and inspirational posts on this sub that deal with mental health and advice for day to day lives to cope. I just really want to accomplish this and have the same chance other people have. Idk I don’t expect any solutions. I’m just lost as what to do. Overall, I have nowhere to record, I have a stutter with long blocks, I’m too self conscious to record with the fear that my family will hear my inappropriate and edgy discussions and I’m too much of a lazy pussy to confront and deal with my stutter. I’m just a bit lost as what to do. Fuck I don’t even know why I’m posting this. There’s no fucking point