Id rather die than speak

Id rather die than speak At a point where id rather rope than face another person, particularly the judgement. I'm 18 and I don't really understand how or why things ended up this way. It is something worse than anxiety, it's pure terror. I don't want to see any coping saying how this is a natural phase at 18, all of you are just avoiding the fact that you can actually enjoy life at this age. Unfortunately for me that isn't the case. I'm doing speech therapy.