Ahh, man. You hit the nail in the head. I completely understand what you mean and I have gone through and I am going through these same problems everyday. You know, at one point in my life I had this genius idea to pretend I was a mute to people who never met me. And I even downloaded some sign language lectures so I could pull the ruse off. That was ridiculous. I know what you mean though. When I see my colleagues taking absolutely fluently to other people and cohesively putting their message across. I can't help but envy them. I fear I will never know what fluency means. And even if I achieve fluency, will I be able to construct sentences like others do? I don't know what tell you man. Lol. I am in the same boat. All we can do is fight as much as we can and make something for ourselves. Job finding is super hard. I got rejected for the most basic jobs because I couldn't speak properly. If I loose my current job, I don't know what else can I do. No body will hire me. It is terrifying.