Bro I’m here to tell you you’re not alone. I stand by you knowing exactly how you feel, just know you are not a bad or some fucked up subhuman get that out of your mind. You have to look at it as most times people just don’t even realize we are trying our hardest to just make it through the day and it’s a fucking battle. What helps me is as long as you and God knows in your heart that you didn’t mean it in a rude gesture, you’ll be okay my friend.