You couldn't have spelled out your problems any better. You're stutter isn't what's going you back, but its all the beliefs you've just highlighted which are killing your life. There are surely things you like about yourself. Things you can do well and goals you have accomplished. The constant self-reinforcing negative thoughts likely cloud these but there is no other option but to break through. Stuttering doesn't control lives; letting stuttering control your life does. There's no easy way around it. If you live in America, I would look up an NSA group to join: http://www.westutter.org/find-an-nsa-meeting-near-you/ They are people who hold all kinds of careers from air traffic controllers to telemarketers. They have families and live fulfilled. They are not special. They dont have anything that you don't have. You have to make a decision to take control of your life. There's no other option. You want a girlfriend, you want a family, you just want to be able to talk to people and dont always feel anxious and nervous. All of these things are within you but you need to break this reinforcing vicious self fulfilling cycle. The cycle can be broken but you have to be the one to break it. The resources are out there (http://www.stutteringhelp.org/Portals/English/Book_0012_tenth_ed.pdf). Every babystep is a victory that will eventually grow into a triumph. Take back your life.