Yo this reality isn't one that's fated though. You can change it. Just like we can work on becoming more comfortable with stuttering and allowing ourself to stutter easily. That usually reduces the fear and the disfluencies. Don't accept your current circumstances as forever. Take some action. Join a local NSA group. Go to a Toastmasters meeting. Find a qualified therapist that you trust. Reaching out to people online is a good start. There are a lot of good facebook groups out there too.