I understand where you're coming from. Towards the end of high school up til college, I was just like you in that I avoided talking to anyone who didn't "know how to speak to me" (like very close friends or some family). My own brother told me to get over my stutter because it embarrassed him.. being the brother of a PWS that is. I spent so much time alone. Suicide seemed like a pleasant dream but I couldn't do that to my family. I began to resent my family and close friends because they couldn't see how much I was suffering and didn't help me. Then I realized that no one could possible know what I was going through except a fellow stutter so I stopped expecting help from others and looked inside. I took two semesters of speech classes but they didn't help much other than guide me on the method of how to speak better. They didn't help the anxiety or acceptance. What really helped me was Nofap. I'm not advertising.. that's the only major change I made in my life where I saw results. That, along with exercise, meditation and eating well. I also practice my speech through prayer. I'm a Sikh (not really practicing) and I usually do the evening prayer out loud. It's in Punjabi, my mother tongue, which I find a little more difficult to be fluent in, so it's good exercise. Anyway, I've gotten to a point where I don't see my stutter as a liability.. more like an asset. Somehow I reached where I am and I tearfully hope everyone who is going through this now gets past it because I couldn't imagine hell being worse.