Speech can improve. Your situation can improve. I have a moderate-to-severe stutter and I'm in my 2nd decade of teaching high school students. I'm also happily married with kids. It hasn't always been this good, but it's pretty good now. Things can get better for you too. Death is permanent. Don't kill yourself. This website has a chat with people to talk to. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/