Ik that feel. Im the person you're referring to with stutter worse than yourself. I literally stutter on every word. Sometimes it takes more than 20 25 sec b4 i can get that word out. And you know, I often feel like killing myself as well. But as u said, i dont have the courage plus i have alot of responsibilities. Im getting out of university next year and i gotta support my family. We've always been living hand to mouth and I'm supposed to be their support. But I'm not even sure i can be that. We had to do internships after our 3rd year and i couldn't get in a single company, even for unpaid Internships, coz i fucked up the interviews so bad. Im already worried if I'll be able to find a job or do something worth it. Just a year left till i find out. Ik i wasn't supposed to depress you even further but atleast i can say you're not alone. I've been in this pain all my life. But I'm willing to give a chance to the future. See what turns up. Its looking very dark rn and based on previous experiences, i can't even be optimistic. But lets see. I'm not ready to give up now. U shouldn't as well.