First of all, let me tell you how courageous you are. Second, can you find a local support group in your area? If you can find one, then you can practice job interviewing skills, network, and see what else is out there. I've been exactly in your shoes, but I am here by the grace of God (suicide attempt) and let me tell you, you have talent and skills that are needed ; it's hard to see it with all the stress, anxiety, fear, and anything else that you want to pile on. If you ever want to chat, we can chat over Zoom.