It’s interesting how the same anxiety can hit someone even if they hardly stutter. It sounds like you’re punishing yourself for absolutely no reason. Give yourself a break. Let yourself be imperfect like the rest of us and embrace it! If you stutter, just move on. Literally nobody cares, and nobody notices anything (including a room full of stuttering experts). I don’t say these things to downplay or minimize your anxiety (believe me, I know how terrible it feels). I say it so you’ll give yourself permission to let go and stop caring so much. Nobody is harder on yourself than you. Why not treat yourself like a friend instead of your worst harsh critic?