I feel your pain. No need to apologize. Life is hard as it is, and is even harder when we stutter. It was so hard for me. I used to avoid, make up names, and not do certian activities. Then I went to a really good speech therapy and learned helpful strategies. I also started journaling and meditating. I suggest start a journal. Write anything and everything that comes to mind. By journalling, you let all parts of your personality express itself, and I think something just wants to be heard. Be your own best friend, you will thank yourself in years to come.