You've embraced self-bullying as a way of life. That is so sad to see. Self-bullying is a lifetime of pain. You hate yourself because you believe the lies that you are 'broken'. You are stuck in a loop of 'never being good enough', no matter how fluent you become you will always think you aren't good enough. You cringe in fear of the judgement of others instead of standing up for yourself. You've chosen a horrible life of self-torture. But not content with ruining your own life, you are now trying to justify your self-pity by convincing others that they too are broken and need to be fixed so they too join in your pit of despair and self-loathing. Until you change your mindset to acceptance, your life is gonna continue to suck.