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Just a Rant Bombed another job interview. Playing dumb to avoid saying a word can work, but that’s not the time or place. Oh well. I had a stutter growing up, but I had more or less grown out of it by my late teens. I’d go on dates, job interviews, even do public speaking and never have a problem. Then in my mid 20s, it came back. I don’t even remember when or exactly what it was, but I must have stumbled over a word for whatever reason. It happens to everyone, but for me, it brought that anxiety back, and as it usually goes, the more anxious I was over stuttering, the worse it would get. I couldn’t stand the thought of being a “stutterer” again, so I got good at switching out words. If I couldn’t change the word outright, I used seemingly innocuous fillers as a runway to get me to the word I was afraid would trip me up. I even convinced myself that I’d overcome the stutter again, but of course I was now just a covert stutterer. There are days I’m fluent enough to almost forget about it. Almost. But I never completely do, and as soon as I feel that tension, that inexplicable fear of an oncoming word, I’m left with the choice to just say the word and risk stuttering or avoiding it. In either case, the anxiety comes flooding back and the vicious circle continues. I know that, in my case, it’s all mental. I’m perfectly capable of speaking fluently. I did it for years. If I wasn’t afraid of stuttering, I wouldn’t. Simple as that. It’s amazing to me how cruel and powerful fear can be. Sometimes, I’ll think fuck it, and just say exactly what I want to say. I’ll feel that anxiety over a word, say it anyway without any problem, and the anxiety starts to dissipate. At some point though, the fear gets the better of me, I’ll avoid a word, and I’m right back where I started. I don’t know what I’m looking for with this post. Solidarity is nice, but it doesn’t change anything. Maybe advice. How do you break out of that vicious circle?