I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it does, but you're making it harder than it needs to be, or you could make it easier by not trying to hide your stutter all the time. Of course the path and work to that isn't easy, with the hardest part possibly being finding a good speech therapist. U/nomoreviruses is completely right in everything they said. Therapy can help show you that you're not a weirdo and shed some of the shame, just know it won't be effortless.