Hello - first I want to say as fellow stutterer and trauma survivor, you are not alone. these are perfectly normal feelings and I wish u the best on the way to healing Science tells us trauma changes the brain. cptsd is especially difficult. there is no one instance, your brain developed its neurological pathways, while dodging and protecting itself from potential risks. I think of it like plinko the brain will shove things in the deep dark corner because as a kid, inspecting and comprehending what just happened will make it harder to get up tomorrow, and do what u need to do to survive. so when u revisit these things as an adult, even talking about it, can be difficult. because u never processed it. ur adult brain can fully comprehend the complex relationships, impacts, and feelings that your child brain couldn’t understand at the time. i used to hyperventilate and go full shutdown - bc my body was screaming DANGER DANGER RUN RUN - survival instinct kicks in, as if the trauma is happening right front of u right now bc in a way, it is. as a kid I avoided processing these things bc my brain thought it would “break” me, so when I used to try to talk about it I would hyperventilate and stutter - my brain was screaming “RED ALERT DANGER TERRITORY.” all physical alarms were set off to let me know - “we don’t go here” bc thats what worked previously. The brain takes path of least-neurological-pathway-resistance. i view my stutter as a symptom that being said, it will get better - ur brain will have to learn that processing this will not “break” you, u are an adult now. you survived and u are strong, u just gotta train ur brain to chill tf out personally, idk if my stutter is developmental or trauma based - science doesn’t really understand it either. so have to accept it as another alarm system the brain knows to pull