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So, I just had a breakthrough... First, I'd like to say thanks to everyone on this subreddit for all the positive and encouraging posts. I wish I had found this much sooner. I feel a kinship with all of you because of the struggle we share. A little history on myself, I've stuttered since early childhood. I believe it was a mix of traumatic experiences and modeling my speech after people who stutter. My earliest memory is of my parents fighting in our living room and myself trying to get between them. Not long after my mother was hit by a train while high on drugs, and a year or so after that my grandfather was sent to prison on drug charges. Also during that time I spent a lot of time with an uncle who stutters. Maybe completely unrelated, but I watched plenty of Porky Pig and the Water Boy around that time. I've often wondered if I adapted that pattern as my own speaking style. During my elementary school years I was put into speech therapy but at the time I believe I wasn't really old enough to apply myself and try to correct my speech. Time went on and I started getting ridiculed, which led to social anxiety, which worsened my speech. It actually got to the point where I was nearly mute outside of a group of my really close friends and family. During my freshman year in high school somehow I managed to land my first serious girlfriend. This, combined with the fact that I was physically in great shape and I played guitar, led to a great boost in my confidence. Also this was around the time when text messaging and instant messaging was really taking off so I could communicate with friends easily. My speech improved to the point that unless I had to read or give a presentation in class you would never know that I stuttered. Fast forward to junior year of high school. My girlfriend and I break up, I was getting into trouble in and out of school, and I spent nearly all my waking hours playing World of Warcraft. My self confidence tanked and my speech got much, much worse. I didn't communicate with anyone and nearly all of my friends were driven away because of my depression/ anger issues. I eventually graduated high school and took a semester off, then decided to get my ass in gear. I worked in retail and put myself through two years of college. This time period really helped because I was forced to take charge of my own situation. I had to force myself to get a job, speak up in class, give presentations, etc. After college I landed a good paying job, got married, and had a child. Physically I'm healthy, financially my wife and I both do well, and most days I don't have anything to feel sad about. However, my speech has barely improved. I freeze up when asked anything specific and my job is fairly technical so I have to give detailed descriptions every day. God forbid someone asks for directions to my house or I try to tell a joke. I also can't talk on the phone worth a shit, even to my wife, who is very supportive and understanding. Lately I have been working on reprogramming my speech, trying to build confidence, and modeling my speech on successful speakers. When I alone I am nearly 100% fluent. I use my phone to record myself reading poetry or giving speeches and I sound great. I know that I'm innately capable of great speech. I'm working to try to bridge the gap between public and private speaking. So, now to my breakthrough. The only person I've discussed my stutter with is my wife, and that was after we were married. My family and work colleagues don't openly discuss it with me, even though it is obvious in my speech. After reading several suggestions on this subreddit I went to my family doctor this morning and requested a referral to a speech therapist. I actually broke down and cried while talking to my doctor. The irony is I spoke fluently the entire time I was talking with her. She gave a surprised look when I mentioned a speech referral. After explaining my situation she gave me the referral. I'm contacting the office tomorrow to schedule my first appointment. Historically I haven't been the best with self discipline and working to improve myself, but I've been actively practicing my speech every day lately. I'm hoping speech therapy will direct some of that energy and provide the change that I need. I think I owe it to myself and my family to put the effort in. Anyway, thanks for reading this rant. It feels good to put all this into writing.