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Jjjjjjust a rant. Everyone I talk to knows I stutter, it's clearly obvious, but I never mention it. Ever. Not to my family, random people I talk to on the phone, anyone. If someone mentions it, I change the subject quickly without commenting. Because of this, I don't know what anyone actually thinks. Do they think I'm mentally retarded (I'm not)? Do they pity me (hope not)? Do they even notice / care? Blocking is my biggest problem, and it's controlled my life. I can't talk to people (school playground, preschool, etc) because I either physically cannot speak, or am afraid that I won't be able to speak and will end up looking like a blithering idiot who can't speak. Showing my daughter up as the one who's Dad is a blithering idiot who can't fucking speak. Fear is everything, I even fear the fear itself. My heart quickens and my chest tightens just thinking about it. My confidence is zero. I talk too quickly (have recorded my side of phone calls just to hear myself) and my formation of words is all over the place. Weirdly, if I feel I'm more important that the person I'm talking to (cold callers, people who have pissed me off, etc), I am much more fluent, stuttering only on the odd word. I'm 31 this year, and have stuttered for as long as I can remember. I've never had any speech therapy, and it's at the point now that I might consider it but am too afraid of being unable to speak and / or looking like an idiot going to my GP to discuss it. So I just delay it, and do nothing. Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it off my chest.