The OP has not had their ability to speak removed, they just feel bad about how it they think their speaking sounds to others. And it is important to stress that the OP appears to be able to read the minds of those around them. They are imagining judgement when it is quite likely there is no judgement there. This perceived judgement actually makes life worse for the OP, not just from creating low self-esteem from imagined judgement, but it also increases stress and anxiety levels so that a **stutterer actually makes their own stutter worse** because of their imagined judgements of others. So, I again stress the foundation of fluency and quality of life is to stop imagining others are judging you.