Totally understand! You are not lazy, you are suffering from what can be a debilitating disorder. Many people will say, "Oh, just go get speech therapy."; however, for many people therapy may not be accessible due to a variety of reasons. Something that you can do is own your stuttering and talk about it with others who share the same problems you do. By making this post you have already taken the first steps! The first steps are always the most difficult, so you should congratulate yourself for reaching out. The big question is, where does your journey go from here? There are several paths, but I am going to make a suggestion. Go online and find stuttering support and self help communities. By listening to other people's rants, successes, failures as well as sharing yours, you may find yourself in a more comfortable place. There are several people who stutter on Tiktok and they stutter openly and without shame. There is also a very healthy Discord server (links are the top posts of this subreddit. Also check out the National Stuttering Association: [westutter.org](https://westutter.org) It is OKAY to stutter.