I am sorry to hear about your father. You are not alone in any way. Whenever I feel this way, I do three things. 1) spend some time in nature. Whatever that may look like for you. Get in a car and drive to a forest and then wander around in it, the more isolated the better. No speech is necessary there, life just exists without it. This really helps to center me. 2) reach out to someone. Let them know you are going through this. Join a support group and try your best to remember your speech doesn’t define you. I know it is hard, but you can get through it. Try and see the beauty in life. There is so much of it that doesn’t relate to fluency. 3) give back, volunteer your time whenever you can. It does wonders for the soul. Reach out if you need to talk more.