I've been where you are. I've attempted suicide 3 times, the first time at 13, and the last time at 24, which ended up with me in the hospital for a week and in an involuntary pysch ward for 3 weeks. It was really hard in my 20s. I'm not sure what to tell you, except it gets easier with age (I'm pushing 40 now). The effects and anxiety from stuttering severely used to consume me. The older I get, the less I care about it. I have a spouse who could give two shits about my speech and will actively go to bat for me in situations where I get discriminated against. I have two kids who are more compassionate little people because they see me and my struggles, and understand that all people are different. I have a job that gives me accommodations for my speech impediment, including a company phone with a type to text speech option. There are people out there who will see the real you and will value your mind and personality, not just measure you by your stutter. It's worth sticking around to find those people. I think a big part of it was realizing I'm disabled and that there is no shame in it. I spent so much of my life chasing fluency, trying to pretend there was nothing wrong with me and that I'm just like everyone else. But I'm not. I'm disabled, people need wheelchairs and canes and Braille, and I also need aids. I've gotten used to using my phone to type what I need to say in situations like at restaurants and stores, and I use an IP relay service when I need to call customer service or something. There are tools out there to make your life easier. Find them and use them.