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Introduction Long time listener, first time caller. Or, something like that. I've been an avid Reddit reader for a while now and recently decided to post on the forum and reach out to everyone. I'm not entirely sure what the point of this post is, but I wanted a sounding board of sorts and figured someone (hopefully) would be keen enough to read this post and share their own story or insight. I'm a 28 (soon to be 29) year old female that stutters. I've stuttered for as long as I can remember, however these past few months have been the toughest in recent memory. I attended the HCRI (Hollins Communication) program in 2009 and have attended a refresher and a handful of reunions since then. For those who haven't heard of the program, it works. However, it requires complete discipline and more than good intentions. I diligently followed the routine prescribed to me and, when attending a refresher 2 years ago, vowed to make it stick permanently. However, as of late I've been grappling with the "fix it because you can" vs "accept it because who cares" argument. For as long as I can remember, I wanted nothing more than to be quote unquote normal. For me, that meant speaking fluently. Over the last year my viewpoint has changed - and while I appreciate the support and financial opportunity of those who allowed me to attend HCRI, I'm beginning to come to terms and, dare I say, accept my stutter for what it is. There's a varying of opinions within the stuttering community, and when I was younger I couldn't understand my fellow NSA members and how they could be so comfortable in their own skin. 10 years later, though, I strive to be like them. I actually recently submitted my opinion to The Atlantic’s “Would You Take a Magic Pill to Cure Your Stutter?” article, which can be found here: http://www.theatlantic.com/notes/all/2015/09/would-you-take-a-magic-pill-to-cure-your-stutter/408136/#note-424644 The last couple of months have been a shitstorm of stressful proportion, and I'm beginning to think it's part of the cause of my recent flare up in worse than normal speech. My boyfriend and I are buying a house together and I'm currently in the process of looking for a new job. The former is a true life event, whereas the latter is another moment in which I know I'll be turned down for a job I'm truly qualified for and deserve because I stutter. This time around I plan on making it known at the beginning of the interview if need be, instead of tripping over myself and apologizing halfway through. And that’s another thing – I apologize entirely too fucking much. Someone knocks into me and I’m the one that apologizes. It’s like my self-confidence has taken a complete nosedive and I have no idea why. Perhaps because my stutter is worse? Oh, the never ending circle of despair. I’m damned when I do and damned when I don’t. Needless Backstory: my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 1.5 years now and he swears that I don't stutter. I find this ill-conceived fact to be utter bullshit, but we're all entitled to our own opinions. To him, I overcame it. Sometimes it makes me want to scream and other times it makes me smile. Really depends on my mood and chocolate intake for the day. I know that a greater percentage of men stutter than women, but let me tell you: your fears of girls and dating still apply to women who stutter. I spent 27 years of my life thinking I wasn't good enough and suddenly I found someone that made me realize I was. Buying a house and building a future together naturally makes me think of having children, and that brings up a bunch of fears all by itself: the idea of my child also having a stutter. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Anyone on here have kids that stutter, too? I have come to realize that my speech has prevented me from being an actual person sometimes. Let me clarify: I don’t know how to have a normal conversation. My desire to not speak and avoidance of normal getting-to-know-you topics has seriously made me somewhat of a selfish individual. It’s not that I don’t want to get to know someone, but having avoided doing so for so long…it’s as though I no longer know how. Has anyone else felt like this before? Sometimes I don’t even know what to say, or I don’t even think about it in instances that I should (such as asking how a recent trip was or about a recent event). I’m so accustom to keeping my mouth shut and only speaking when spoken to that I lack the normal care, attention, and genuine good nature vibes I typically exhibit. Fast Forward: I hate my job and the way my boss finishes my sentences or cuts me off, and the way some colleagues mistake a speech impediment for an utter lack of intelligence. I’m not sure what else to say now. I didn’t really think this whole spiel through…so basically the bottom line of everything in the entire universe is that: I’m tired of defining my days as “good” or “bad” based upon my speech. Has anyone been able to achieve this? Thanks in advance.