Hello! Your post was removed as it contained self-destructive and/or suicidal ideation. Users may be triggered by your self destructive thoughts. If you are seeking support, please reword your post/comment as our community is very supportive. Alternatively you can get help by contacting the following: United States: National Suicide Prevention Hotline -- 1-800-273-8255 Crisis Text Line -- Text Hello to 741741 YouthLine -- Text teen2teen to 839863, or call 1-877-968-8491 International List of Suicide/Crisis Hotlines: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines