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This is the day I face my opponent. Today is the day I face my stutter, head on, for a final battle against what has held me back for such a length of time. I am 18 and just nearing a half hour ago, my mouth...my mind...my facial muscles...all failed me. Nervousness and stutter-fear. A classroom discussion in 1101...and I even told my group I would be the speaker (I am a powerful, grand speaker when it comes to individuals or small groups...though I do still stutter when it comes to that sometimes). I had the last statement to discuss. From the first group I knew hell was coming. I began to tense up...get shaky...fearful of my own mouth. To summarize....it happened. All the elongated pauses, the droll repetitions, the stares of misery. It all happened. It's all so shameful. For the remainder of the class I stared into space and could almost feel myself in another world. I felt the frown embedding itself permanently into my face. It's all so ironic because I am a word-nerd. I study languages! I "speak" three, I read the dictionary daily to learn new and fun combinations of the alphabet. I watch all major fictional and nonfictions characters of this world and yearn to speak as they do- but I can't. why? What it wrong with me? It makes me want to give up. But I can't. I truly want to be who I want to be and that future does not include a horrible present like I experience now. I have such an expansive mind yet I always settle for the minimal-and if I attempt to go in-depth as I always mentally am- I will ruin the outer air around me. For years I have succumbed, experienced 'light' periods only to be bombarded with harsh periods after, and hoped for an accepting of my speech. No. Damned. More. I will fight. I will practice. I am weary of yielding to a damned false reality. I haven't become my full self yet. Overcoming my stutter will bring me that much closer!!! Today is the last day I accept the breaks in the air!!!!