got damn, that's heavy. stuttering SLP in training here. i hated my stutter in high school, but now my friends and co-workers joke about my stutter and it's a world of difference. i saw multiple SLPs (speech-language pathologists, AKA speech therapists) throughout elementary school, middle school, and some years into college. they helped me a little, but those strategies mostly worked in the speech room and not in real-world contexts. these SLPs told me how not to stutter. my homie introduced me to a support group that feels more like a group of friends (we're all relatively in the same age group and we're really funny). i gotta say it was revolutionary to walk into a room with a dozen other individuals who shared the same experience as i do - i finally felt normal. at the time, it was under NSA (National Stuttering Association), but long story short, they broke off and created their own group. my point here is that this support group taught me a lot, like how to accept my stutter ("i'm gonna be this way forever, and that's okay."), how to disclose my stutter ("I'm Jer, and I have a stutter"), and that i'm not alone. they didn't talk about how to "fix" stuttering, they told me how to love my stutter. and that made a world of difference. a few years back, i was telling another homie that sometimes my stutter is frustrating. she said "that's true, but you wouldn't be Jer without your stutter!" i still think about that, and it makes me tear up. she doesn't care about my stutter, she just wants me to be me. it also really helps to talk about your stutter with your "frequent communication partners", AKA close friends, family, and partner. how many of them have you mentioned your stuttering to? your struggles? do they know that it's a daily struggle for you? it just helps to get the word out. they don't know unless you tell them! as i'm finishing up my Master's program at my university, i've learned a thing or two about treating those who stutter. there's this treatment called ARTS (Avoidance Reduction Therapy for Stuttering) that's gonna revolutionize stuttering treatment. instead of focusing on the stutter itself (e.g., "I'm J-J-J-Jer"), they focus on how your avoidance behaviors (e.g., not using the phone, substituting your words at the last second) and negative thoughts (e.g., frustrations, anxieties, "I'd rather be dead than say that again." or "They think i'm stupid for stuttering.). my point here is that treatment for stuttering is slowly converting to a more client-focused stance rather than an observer-focused one (one that focuses on the dysfluencies themselves rather than the experience of the stutterer). TL;DR a combination of support groups and modern speech therapy isn't gonna "cure" you but it's definitely a step in the right direction in your journey of finding joy in life.