Hi brother I'm 17, I can't imagine what you are going through right now but it sounds rough I'm not judging or advising anything but know that it will get better. you did a major step by taking this job in the first place CONGRATS! Take it slow one step at a time, be strong and keep pushing. Meditate it will do good for your soul and mindset and remember no has a perfect life, even the ones who seem always perfect have their flaws. we are all human beings, and we often wants things to suit what society demands but we can't have it all. We tend to think our state is the worst and we envy other people over the smallest things. In the grand scheme of things nothing really matters, enjoy your life, try to love yourself, I know It gets hard sometimes. remember to smile and make your life a fun experience. Good luck !