Through my younger years I dealt with my stuttering rather well in my opinion. I had my issues like every other young person going through school like occasional teasing and being self conscience about many things, but I was still content with life. Stuttering bothered me sometimes back then but not even close to the level it is now. Since the final year of high school which I still didn't even finish, it has been all down hill from there. The realization that soon I had to be self reliant just hit me like a freight train and caused me to go into a deep spiral of depression. I've never had a job at 24 years old because of my fear of interviews which makes me feel pathetic. Just thinking about it now makes me feel absolutely horrible. There was a job fair at my local Best Buy on April 17th that my friend who works there told me about. I went in and immediately walked out. Why you ask? It was a group interview. My mind went blank, my heart began to race, and every response to typical interview questions I prepared for just left my brain. I felt like shit, I felt defeated, and felt no hope. I'm currently in network engineering at my local community college and have co-op coming up relatively soon. If I can't do a job interview for a low level minimum wage job how can I do one for companies like vmware? I sometimes wonder, what's the point in living like this? Suicide is sounding like a better option everyday that goes by. I try my best to stay positive. There are of course good things in my life but the psychological torture I go through on a daily basis is really taking a toll.