I'm saying this like a older brother would man..try to get off the drugs pls.. I know it's the only thing that makes you feel like life is worth living. But take it from me I dabbled in various stimulants, alcohol, weed, I'm still a heavy cig smoker..its all eventually going to make your life 100× more painful..getting off alcohol almost killed me & if I can't quit cigs for good ill be a dead man..tbh I haven't cared if I died since I was a child. But I do care about suffering...your 18 & have your life ahead of you wether you believe it or not..try and help yourself and see if you can get more fluent...I know saying this is corny & Young ppl don't like to be preached to bc I was the same way..but drugs are straight up evil believe that. They just cause you more pain/hell in the long run. So try to take care of your self bro & see what happens. You never know you could become fluent like others have.