benadryl, benzo, alcohol, and substance abuse.

benadryl, benzo, alcohol, and substance abuse. Anyone else struggle with addiction and substance abuse, whether to cope, numb, or even aid your speech?I come home from a day at work with a raw tongue from biting it and blocking so much that all i wanna do is forget. Forget how i spit on my boss by mistake from an extreme block, forget how i tried my hardest to make eye contact just for them to look away in discomfort when my face tenses up, forget how i am the most qualified for the job but not chosen due to ignorance about the correlation with fluent speech and intelligence? Fucking sick of it and the impossible task of proving they have nothing to do with each other its faulty wiring with thought to speech. I come home after working harder than all of my peers to no avail, simply because i cannot have that small talk conversation that i guess is what gets you ahead in this world. I come home take 8 benadryl, drink a pint of vodka, some xanax etc just to forget the day. I also take xanax which is not prescribed to just deal through the day and care less about my fluency which in return grants me better fluency. Rinse and repeat till i cannot get any more benzos as i am not prescribed end up in detox rinse repeat rinse repeat.