Wow, that was quite a read. To me, it seems like you have not one, but three problems: 1. You have a severe stutter, which has lead to 2. You have developed a deep depression and severe anxiety, which again has lead to 3. You have a drug problem. Personally, I’ve been to 1 and 2, but not 3. First, of all, for God’s sake, talk to your parents. You say that the truth will hurt them, but believe me, it will hurt them much, much more if you end up dead by suicide or a drug overdose. At this point, they have to know that something is seriously wrong., and your silence probably hurts them just as much as the truth would. If you tell them, and they end up making it about their pain and not yours, that’s on them, not you. You can’t do anything about your stutter at the moment, so you need to work on getting medical help for your severe mental problems and your drug addiction. Ask your parents to help you finding the right people to help you, and if necessary, help you economically. At the moment, you can’t see the world clearly because of your depression and your drug dependency. Maybe you will always have a bad stutter, and, yeah, that sucks badly, believe me, I know. The stutter will limit your interactions with other people, as all disabilities come with their limitations, but you can still get friends,and still lead a good life. I also have a severe stutter (with the face twitching and everything), I have been through severe depression and anxiety, but I have also (with the right medical help) been able to get an education, find a partner and have children. Even though I still hate my stutter, I lead a good life, and I am glad that I never succeeded in ending my own life. At the moment, I think your depression and your anxiety limits you more than your stutter. Your sorrow over the good life you lost will probably always be there, but it will be possible to live with. You will live with a stutter, yeah, but there is actually people out there who don’t mind, and hopefully, you will find them. It is also quite probable that your stutter will improve some when your social anxiety gets better, as it almost certainly contributes to your stuttering problems. So please, please, talk to your parents about your problems, let them help you find medical treatment for your mental illness and your drug problem, and please, do not end yourself. If know your life seems very, very dark at the moment, but there is actually hope out there. From the deepest of my heart, I wish you all the best.