I was pretty shocked when you wrote you're 14 at the end. You're clearly very intelligent and mature, especially for a 14 year old. You articulate the struggle so well and if you can write and think like that at 14, I can only imagine when you're older. Hold your head up high. You have things to contribute to the world. Our stutter is a disability, but suffering constantly because of it is our choice. If you were in a wheelchair, you wouldn't constantly lament your inability to walk. Things will be harder for you, but they will get better. I promise. Don't let others bring you down. And know that there are millions of us worldwide suffering as you are. You're not alone. And if I can give you a bit of advice, be open about your stutter. I wish I did that at 14. Acknowledge it as a disability and just ask people to be patient with you. It will be hard for people to laugh then, because they will be laughing at a disability. Notice that no one makes fun of a wheelchair. Best of luck