As someone that tried it I wouldn't recommend it for these reasons; 1. Its much harder to kill yourself than you think. Its not like the movies. So many people fail and become disfigured for life. You said you wanted to use a gun. Look at how people look that survived a gunshot. You already have a severe stutter you don't want to have a face of a crushed potato too. I am lucky my arm only got scarred but now even at extreme heat I have to wear long sleeve shirts which is annoying as fuck. 2. You will traumatize you parents and yourself: The only memory I have from my attempt is my mom finding me in a pool of blood and screaming. That memory never goes away trust me. 3. YOU ARE 19 which already makes this a mistake: How do you know you are not making a mistake when your brain hasn't even developed fully. My advice is to not take life so serious. Pretend you are in some kind of videogame or something. This might be a a hot take but when you get older and your parents are gone and if these feeling of wanting death don't go away then do it if you really want to. But at 19 you are not thinking with logic, just your emotion.