36yo female

36yo female I’ve had a stammer or blocking my whole life when I was younger it never really bothered me . After a failed relationship and his final words were “I hated the way you talked” its like my speech consumed my life. I feel like the weird person at work I’m afraid to have common conversation with strangers it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and last thing before closing my eyes. I’ve even thought of suicide because I just want to be normal. Lately I’ve been experiencing a tremble in my lips when people talk to me I think it’s my nerves because I’m so scared I’m going to stammer or block. I’m wondering has anyway else had this issue and if so did you try any medication that has helped?