I 100% know how it feels and I can feel the pain as well because Ive been through that before, many many many times. Hell, Ive har suicidal thoughts as a teenager too but honestly, Ive had to man up and it took me many years to realise and accept this. Im not saying it will take you as many years to control your emotions, speech as me, it could take you far less than I needee, but what Im saying here is that I stutter the most if Im afraid to stutter. If Im nervous, have this warm, uneasy feeling in my gut, thats when Im going to stutter. If I dont think about it, then it gets easier. But yeah, easier said than done. I get it, but honestly, you will get there. You just need to find another way to improve. I know what Im talking about because I once was afraid too. I was avoiding any conversations with people let alone women lol