Participated in a model UN debate and dominated the conversation. Feeling proud :)

Participated in a model UN debate and dominated the conversation. Feeling proud :) Moderate stutterer(every third senetence). Fuck I'm so happy. I spoke more times then I can remember to count in front of 30 people and dominated the conversation. Even though I stuttered at times I forced through it each time and was a dominant presence. A couple people did laugh at times but fuck it. I rose above that and earned respect. That was the best part for me personallty. I didn't get any pity or sympathy. It wasn't "oh poor thing he's speaking". I got legitimate respect. I was the only one who got in a clause in the resolution specific to my needs. There was an uber experienced debater so unfortunately I couldn't be the best delegate there but I did extremely well. After many years of being defeated and deprssed i numbed myself to all of it and embraced the void. It was and still is all there but I did it anyways. Never surrender. You may not have a reason or purpose to defend and I get that. I know what it's like being rock bottom defeated and feeling absolutely worthless and feeling like no one cares in this world. Feeling like your irrelevant and alone and forever doomed to carry this burden of stuttering and being second class citizen and discriminated against. You may not be able to convince yourself to think otherwise and the world will treat you this way. That may be true. But you can always just give your best and go on the offensive. You can always channel that rage and that anger on the inside to attack what is on the outside. You may not believe in yourself and you have a reason to. But believe in the process. Believe in the fact that you can always take stels to attack and influence change in the world despite what your kind says. We are already rock bottom. What have we ever got lose. So yeah. I'm proud for what I did.